Posted by: agapeflower | May 11, 2009


Ever have one of those realizations that make perfect sense to you – and have them in the middle of the night, making it really hard to remember what it was you thought of the next morning? That’s what happened to me at 1:30 a.m., although, thank goodness, I was able to remember what it was when I woke up today.

So I’ve been worrying a lot about money, recently, right? And here was my revelation: it really doesn’t matter.  Not because money doesn’t matter (as much as I would like it not to), and not because money isn’t helpful (in good, spiritually healthy amounts).  But because, for me, I’d still worry anyway.

Let’s say I get some great windfall; let’s say I go to bed somehow tonight with a million dollars and I never have to worry about working again, or paying student loans again, or saving up for a house again.  Sounds good, right? But you can bet that the very next morning I’ll wake up worried about whether or not we’ll lose that money somehow; or whether or not we’re using it the way we should; or whether or not God approves of how I’m being a steward of His money (since I’ll probably just see it as His).  I’ll just find something else to worry about.

It’s just like how I view my weight: I’m not overweight now, but I was for a very long time.  When I lost all of that weight (and I don’t want to talk too much about that), two things happened: 1) I couldn’t tell the difference between what I weighed before, as a “fat” person and now as a “skinny” person, so I couldn’t “enjoy” weighing less; and 2) I was terrified of gaining the weight back, so I would worry about what I ate all day every day.

There was no joy in it, and I feel the same thing happening now with money.  How do I fix that? I have no idea…yet.  But I’m recognizing the pattern, so I think that counts for something.



  1. I could have written this post.

    Only a LOT less philosophically… at this hour of night anyway. 😉

    There HAS to be some correlation between weight and money issues. Really.

  2. I think so too! Especially the relationship between how much money is spent to get people to buy different types of food – or, for that matter, how much money is spent to get people to buy different types of food by telling them they “will look” or “should look” a certain way if they buy into it.

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